gingerbread toffee

now that assignments are piling up and i have lots of things due, i'm wasting much more time on the internet. avoidance is the best type of procrastination. it transforms an occasional procrastinator into an olympic gold medalist procrastinator.
one of the things i like to do is prowl through blogs. people write the craziest things. i learned how to fold a tshirt in 2 seconds (honestly, it's the coolest trick) and the fastest way to peel a boiled egg.
eventually i came across a sweet blogger from sweden who loves to cook and bake - acatinthekitchen.com - and she posts recipes as well as stories about making the food, serving it to friends, etc. i spent far too long reading through her posts, and suddenly came upon a recipe that seemed so simple and delicious i had to try it.
gingerbread toffee, ladies and gentlemen, after one batch, has become my new christmas tradition.
:) yum!
and now i have a whole new way to procrastinate ... slurp!

you know i love christmas ... i always will ...

listening to "christmas is all around" from Love Actually - which i actually love.
i love this time of year.
i used to hate it. before i met patrick, christmas was the suckiest time of year. i used to sprawl in the livingroom wishing for good christmases to come - the house was dark, the christmas lights were soft and glowy, snow fell thick and heavy, and mysterious packages collected under the tree. in spite of all this christmas loveliness, well, ... "all i really wanted was" ... hahah, actually jeff robichaud, usually. i wanted him to stop asking me what he should buy his girlfriend for christmas, and buy me something instead. (okay, he usually did buy me something too - he was a great friend, and i shouldn't've complained).
my sisters had boyfriends and got to go out, wear pretty clothes, and hang up their bouquets of roses to dry next to the tree. i got to babysit on new years eve and knew no one would ever kiss me at the stroke of midnight. i was the ugliest of ducklings.
i think christmases cemented my desire to be a teacher. i knew no one would ever love me and want to make twinkly christmas magic together - so at least, if i was a teacher i could take trips away at christmas time. i could travel and hole up in a hotel somewhere and read books and eat cheesies and swim, even, on december 25th!
and then i met patrick.
he transformed christmas. our first kiss - our first i love you - our engagement - all happened in one magical christmas vacation (i've still never been kissed at the stroke of midnight on new year's eve, but that's another story about too much juice and unfortunate bladder control). now, when christmas music starts to play, i think about my train ride to ontario. i think about the heart-thumping dazzliness of meeting patrick at the station. the dizzying ride on the subway. the pancakes we made for supper, then our walk in the snow when we both wanted to hold hands but didn't. the delicious smell of patrick's winter jacket. the incredible certainty that this was my one true love (and incidentally, no, i would not have to suffer through interminable christmases enviously watching my sisters be loved).
snuggling our feet under the table (sorry uncle bert ... hehe) - holding hands on the train - writing mushy notes to each other when we should've been wrapping presents - going for walks in the sweet kapuskasing cold, just to be alone and in love - not caring what we were doing, as long as it was together. it was a fabulous christmas, and now i love christmas, love remembering how we met and fell in love. i know that christmas is the time when we remember God's love for us, and His gift to us - Jesus. now that i have patrick's arms around me and his lips on my cheek, i've got my mind of off myself and my own stagnant self-pity. christmas is a light in the dark, warmth in the cold, and generosity in the face of want. it's the perfect reminder that God loves us outrageously.
as tiny tim says ... God bless us, every one!

24 weeks

our baby bean would have been 24 weeks old today.
i miss him so much.

patrick sleeping

the room is light and cool
and you
have dived face-first into sleep
the blankets swish around you
the pillows have capsized against the headboard
your right arm splays backward
in a desperate stroke toward oblivion.
you
swim toward starlight.
darkness will kiss your eyelids awake
and i
will kayak the blankets about me
and drift toward dawn.

the swine flu

sunday afternoon i was working away busily, trying to create the coolest possible lesson on war poetry for my class. the sun set startlingly early - and then i remembered daylight savings time - and then i noticed i was incredibly sore. i thought it must have been from being hunched up at my desk, working on lesson plans for hours ... and suddenly my chest exploded with a hack, my head started to pound, and i realized i'd been hit ... with the swine flu.
i missed class today, and they don't want me back until thursday. so i'm trying to look at the bright side. HA just kidding, it's pretty much all bright side. i get more sleep, more time to think up some shazam lessons, and more time to snuggle with patrick.
God sends some really nice gifts, in some really weird packages.
xo!