new dress love

my amazing husband bought me a gorgeous new dress. i spent last saturday afternoon just prowling through stores, trying on dresses for fun. i told patrick about one dress that i loved, and he bought it for me!

here it is, the pretty thing.

(sorry for the bad photo. i tried to find a picture of this online but couldn't).

props to polkadotsoup

i'm celebrating with polkadotsoup, where today my lovely blogger friend made her 100th post!

her blog is a happy mix of craft ideas, music, decorating tips, and all things beautiful.

head on over to check it out - i bet you'll be inspired :).

yuck

turns out, the spaghettios aren't going away. how long does food poisoning last? (is that what it's called?)
ugh.

a lonely wednesday in, while patrick sleeps.

uh oh spaghetti-o

made spaghetti & meatballs for lunch. the meatballs come pre-cooked, and all i was supposed to have to do was reheat them. so i did.

they tasted okay. not super yumm-o, but okay.

unfortunately, they didn't feel okay. the rest of the afternoon, i was sick to my stomach. i had a nap with patrick before ESL, hoping that would make me feel better (he was sleeping today, cuz he had to work tonight).

when i came home, patrick was suffering too. now he's at work and i'm queasily heading to bed.

ick.

two good choices today:
one: i had fruit & yogurt for breakfast
two: i had water with lunch instead of iced tea.

i was planning to go for a walk this afternoon, but it was cloudy with a chance of meatballs.

(first) two good choices

thanks for all the feedback! way to get me motivated :)

my two good choices today:
one: i made a smoothie for breakfast instead of toast & cheese.
two: i made low-fat coleslaw and ate it before anything else with lunch (so i wouldn't be tempted to say i'm too full to eat my veggies).

i'm looking forward to adding some exercise choices this week. i'd like to keep it fun - maybe a swim at the pool with a kind friend?

i've got a reward in mind to help keep me focused on my goal: i want to fit back into the luscious black & white dress katie gave me 2 years ago when we first moved here. it swishes and swirls but doesn't look painfully princessy. i love it.

keep me posted if you have any good ideas and suggestions.
bobble, i'm planning to integrate a walk into my day tomorrow - thanks for the inspiration!

jen, i'll let you know if i EVER get to bed before 10pm. does it count if i'm going to bed at 4am? that's technically before 10pm ...

joey, thanks for the chicken pieces! they will make healthy eating so much easier :) i love you.

two good choices

i keep noticing ads online for weightloss. "i lost 40 pounds in 2 months" "acai berry weightloss miracle" ...
i realize they're ridiculous, and they're just promising what i want to hear.
i don't want to hear that it actually takes a solid year of good choices and hard work to lose 40 pounds. i don't want to hear that i should limit or eliminate some of my favorite foods. i don't want to hear that i need to get off my comfortable backside and get outside if i want to see a change.
i've got lots of excuses.
pcos makes it twice as hard to lose, and twice as easy to gain.
i'm genetically predisposed to look like this, and it's not going to change no matter what i do.
however, i'm tired of looking like the before picture of someone else's story of triumph. i'm tired of excusing myself from doing something that i really, deep down, want to want to do. so my declaration is going public.
i want to make two good choices every day.
i'll try to keep myself accountable on my blog - so bug me if i don't post them! - as a way to stay motivated and be creative.
if you have any fun, crazy, or awesome ideas for healthy choices i can make ... let me know, and i'll guinea-pig them for you.

(p)leisure

this week, instead of teaching, marking, and lesson-planning with the intensity and pressure of a madwoman, i've been ... nothinging. it's been awesome.
we cleaned our apartment. (the back of the toilet is snorting, derisively. okay, we've almost totally cleaned our apartment)
we ate fun food.

we got in bed around midnight and talked until 3am. it was magical. it's been three months at least since we had such a long time to just talk and talk.(my husband is gorgeous!)

i went to my niece's birthday party.
we went for a long walk deep in the night, wearing our matching sweaters from mama c & papa g.
we took goofy pictures with the webcam (as you can see).
we layed around and listened to music.

we flirted on facebook.
i taught esl.
today i had parent-teacher interviews. which were not as scary as the butterflies in my stomach thought they'd be.
we loved and prayed.
we watched glee while we drank a huge and yummy smoothie.
and i updated my resume. which soon has to leave the cosy confines of my computer and make its way to more judgmental locations.

(ick)

i know that i have to rejoin the world of productive people. but it's been a pretty sweet three days.

ten reasons to love patrick

1. the snuggles. lots of snuggles, all the time.
2. he's so easygoing. he's never fussy about anything ... for example, he's just as happy to have cheese & crackers for supper as anything else.
3. he's handsome. it's nice waking up to him every morning.
4. the laughs. goofing around and giggling makes my day. even being tickled is fun - within reason!
5. he's dear. he does things to remind me he loves me - like notes on my pillow, and phone calls, and emails, just to say he loves me.
6. he's selfless. he's worked hard for so long while i've been finishing school, waiting for his turn to go back and finish his degree.
7. sleep. he talks in his sleep and says funny things and even once gave me a backrub in his sleep.
8. laundry. he does it.
9. he loves my nieces & nephew. he's proud of things they do and he's always surprised when they want to spend time with him.
10. his family. getting to share them is a pretty big perk of being his wife :).

i was kneading bread
(flip, knead)
it was magic
(flip, knead)
the way something was forming
(flip, knead)
from nothing in my hands
(flip, knead)
smoother and smoother
(flip, knead)
until elasticity
(flip, knead)
was pressing back
(flip, knead)
against my palms.

every time, it rose
(flip, knead)
i pressed it down and
(flip, knead)
it sprang back, living.

i cupped both hands around it, listening,
and heard it singing in my palms.

my heart, the bread.
(flip, knead)
God's hands, the press.
(flip, knead)
still i rise, still i sing
(flip, knead)
as He knew, and knows
(flip, knead)
and knows, forever.

homemade paneer

i made cheese! wahoo! i was inspired by heart of light, and followed her recipe here.
it's so simple. here's how i did it:
ingredients: milk & lime juice (i added a smidge of hot sauce too, because i love it).

equipment: a big pot, a strainer, a cheesecloth (or, in my case, a thin dishcloth).

bring the milk to a boil on medium heat (this part took forever).

add lime juice and stir. wait for curds to rise.

pour everything into the cloth & strainer.

tie up the curds in the cloth, let the whey run out.

squeeze the cloth tighter, and suspend over the sink for half an hour.

unwrap the cheese.

keep it in the fridge for 2-3 hours to firm up. tadah!

paneer

tomorrow i want to make paneer! i'll try to remember to take pictures so i can show you how it turns out.
three cheers for cheese!

tv-free morning

today i took a break from watching tv.
i've been home sick since tuesday. i haven't been able to do a lot standing (nausea), so i watched a lot of tv & a few movies.
last night i realized it was easter weekend, and spent some time worshiping. i realized how empty my soul was, how i'd started living from one show to the next, without thinking of anything, doing anything, contemplating anything.
so i decided that it didn't matter if i was sick, i was going to have a tv free morning.
i woke up at 7 feeling great. my face keeps getting better, and i'm getting used to the nausea. so i took my antibiotics, and tidied our bedroom. sorting the laundry was the biggest chore (every single facecloth in our house is in the hamper right now).
when i finished that, patrick got home from work. he was ecstatic to see me up & looking almost human, especially because that meant i could make him breakfast while he showered.
i made eggs & toast, then we ate breakfast together.
patrick hung out in his office for a little bit before going to bed. he played me the most beautiful song by jon foreman - in my arms.
three more days until i can kiss him!
then i tucked him in and did some of the dishes. wasn't feeling so hot, so i curled up on the couch with a book - in the arena, by isobel kuhn.
ironically enough ... i was reading about isobel learning from her trials, and started feeling really rotten. so i called my dad and mom, and whined. (obviously, i wasn't getting the point)
they cheered me up.
i made some body scrub.
i finished the dishes.
i prowled around allrecipes.com for some good ideas. i haven't been able to go out, so my cupboards are getting thin. i am nicely stocked up on eggs, so i was reading the egg recipes and one caught my attention. no-yolk deviled eggs.
eggs are so eastery. so i made 5. the eggs kept making faces at me on the cutting board.
the finished product was pretty yummy! i didn't totally follow the recipe ... i made it with less potato, and i did include the yolks after all. they just seemed to feel so left out when i put them aside.
and i added some himalayan finishing salt (which sounds more adventurous than it tastes). and i used less mustard. and no pepper.
i don't have a piping bag, so they don't look all swirly and fancy, but they taste yumm-o.
i never would have thought of using potato. but it seriously rocks.
then my amazing momma showed up with two bags of groceries! frozen fruit, mango ice cream, salt & vinegar chips, mini eggs (and here i thought the deviled eggs were my easter!), mini cucumbers, cheese, and milk. it was SO nice to see her. i've been lonely.
i don't think there's anyone more beautiful in the whole world.
i took a picture of her to share with you, but i used the wrong setting. so here's a picture from last fall:
she also brought me the most beautiful piece of spring ... a gorgeous bouquet of tangerine colored daisies.when mom left, i suddenly realized it was time to take another dose of antibiotics. my tv-free morning was over ... and it was awesome.
too good to keep to myself.
i made stuff! i tried something new! i cleaned up!
and the whole time i did all that, i was thinking. well, maybe not the whole time. but for most of the time, i was using my hands and my brain and my heart and talking to God sometimes and making plans sometimes and being grateful sometimes. kind of like i think He intended.

beauty for ashes

"the LORD has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted ... to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he may be glorified."
Isaiah 61:1&3

Jesus came to do all this. and daily He lives, doing this.

this week, i caught a brutal infection that totally destroyed my face. i went from looking like this:


to looking like this:


needless to say, i haven't felt very beautiful this week. in fact, i never feel very beautiful. but after looking like picture #2, i'm starting to have a whole new appreciation for the face in picture #1.
and that was a pretty cool thing for God to do for me.
but He went one better.
He gave me a husband who absolutely adores me, regardless of my face.
patrick has been off most of the week (he works all weekend) and it's been nice to spend so much time with him (in between nausea and trying not to scratch). we can't kiss or cuddle or do anything that might involve my face touching him, so we've spent lots of time at opposite ends of the couch, watching tv or just talking.
and he looks into my face, over and over again, smiles his awesome smile, and tells me i'm beautiful.
even though i look like picture #2.
i never expected that. i get nauseous just looking in the mirror - i pass out trying to put on the face cream the doctor prescribed, because touching this is so gross.

but patrick loves me - the inside me - regardless of how that is packaged. just like God.

patrick keeps teaching me about God. God keeps teaching me about patrick. and i love it.