Spring Hopes Eternal

Yesterday I was sitting at a red light

And a flutter caught my eye

Against the bright blue afternoon sky -

An accidental flag of welcome:

A saluting clothesline full of sheets

Whipped in sunlight and wind.

Today I glanced out my window in the blue-grey morning

And saw, through the bare branches of the little woods behind our house

Headlights reflected in the river

Dancing and waving hello.

Last week

Dryers spun cozily

Bedding tumbled warm and 

Back doors were braced against the cold.

Last week

Headlights thudded and stopped

Against the dullness of white ice.

Spring is on its way

And everything's a greeting.

The river is flowing 

The sun is shining

The wind is laughing 

And spring is coming.

Painless Dentistry: A Psalm

I broke a tooth

So I have come to the dentist.

I mime a scream while two people in masks and raincoats drill inside my mouth.

I keep my body as still as possible, knowing one jolt could send a sharp metal object whizzing into my exposed and vulnerable gums.

My entire body is clenched

Knuckles white and

Toes curled against the threat.

I try to keep my jaw as wide open as possible

And not flinch.

I am the boss of my body.

My tongue does not seem to understand this

My tongue

Does whatever the heck it wants -

It does the grand tour

While the hygienist tries to shepherd it away from the work site.

They ask me questions 

I try to answer with grunts and gestures

"Ahh," they nod knowingly, 

But I am fairly confident they have no idea what I'm saying.

I, too, am unsure of what I'm saying.

The drill rumbles, my head rumbles,

Until I am 8 years old

Lying in the carpeted back of a station wagon

Driving down a dirt road.

I almost fall asleep

(I am almost certainly allergic to novocaine).

The smell 

In the cubic foot of air we share

Is foul.

Is it their breath or mine?

I am deeply curious 

And regret that it would be rude to ask.

(It is mine. I know this.)

"You're doing great," 

The hygienist encourages.

Which is an unusual thing for one adult to say to another: why, I wonder.

The dentist has trapped my lip against my teeth with the side of his hand.

This relationship is complicated. 

I will tremble and feel giddy for the rest of the day

(I am almost certainly allergic to novocaine)

Before bed I will open my mouth wide and look in the mirror

My new filling will gleam white

Next to the silver fillings of my youth.

"You're doing great," I will snicker

And go to bed and sleep

And grind my teeth. 

Sam is 10 :)

Sam is ten.

Ten!

It feels like forever ago and just yesterday, but I think we were all born together on that snowy March evening - our precious Sam and this brand new Mama and Papa too. 

We were clueless.

Wildly hopeful.

Totally in love.

And awash in gratitude. 

Patrick's cousin wrote to us on the day he was born and said "I tried to pray for you today and all I could articulate was "Yay, God! Hurray!""

He was calm and self-possessed from the start. He didn't cry, just looked around to see the world. The doctor, testing his grip, was surprised to find this newborn strong enough to pull himself up to standing. 

Now he's a million miles tall and handsome as can be and loves to draw and write and hates the spotlight and loves to climb and swim and leap from great heights. I shouldn't be surprised that he's ten but I'm absolutely astonished that we have enjoyed ten - TEN - years of Sam.

Happy birthday my love.

You are wonderful. 

Yay, God! Hurray!

Put Out Your Hand

When the earth is shakin'

And the Sandman's breakin'

Any agreements you made

When the high wind's blowin'

And the sky fills with snow and

The light's long since laid

Put out your hand

When your heart's been howlin'

Every prayer falls down and

The answers don't come 

When you're through with rage and

Your books are blank pages 

And everything's numb

Put out your hand

Put out your hand

Reach out your hand

Stretch out your hand

Leave it out til the shadow

Of heaven sweeps over

This isn't the end

But God it feels like the end

Put out your hand

Reach out your hand 

Stretch out your hand

There's a rest that comes

Even when the storm keeps shuddering on

There's a hem 

There's a shadow

There's a rock and a drop of water in the sand

Just lay down

And reach out your hand.