mommy hood

the space ^ is deliberate. 
i'm like robin hood, but a mom.
not in the fact that i steal from the rich to give to the poor, but in the fact that i feel like i live in the middle of the woods and can't freely see my friends.
and by middle of the woods, i mean middle of the night.  thank you sam.

okay okay.  it's not all bad.  in fact, most of it is awesome.  but it's definitely surprising.

here are some things that surprise me about being a mom:

1) i am so tired all the time!  people warned me about this one, but i never really understood the magnitude of the overwhelming exhaustion.  moms are superheros.  i can't even imagine doing this with another child in the house.  i think i'd die!  a million rounds of applause to those of you who ever had more than one child in diapers at a time.  you are amazing.

2) i don't have time to eat.  no, i am sure i would have time to eat.  if someone else went out, bought the groceries, and prepared the food, i could probably find a few minutes to put it in my mouth.  but seriously, making 1 meal a day is about my standard the past few weeks. (and i even let myself feel successful about that.)  when one and a half hours out of every 3 is taken up in feeding, burping, snuggling, and settling sam ... i would really welcome a store bought chicken or a pizza!

3) i still like to clean.  maybe because our apartment is so small.  even the tiniest bit of clutter feels like chaos.  but out of my available hours in the day, i like to clean.  today i scoured the tub & sinks and did the laundry and it feels great.

4) my relationship with patrick is awesome(r).  it's so fun being in love with someone else, together.  watching him with sam makes me feel like i'm going to die because one soul can't contain so much happiness.  and when he takes his shift with a midnight or early morning feeding, i am swept with waves of gratitude and love that wash me right back to sleep :).

5) infants are adorable, but i am counting down the months til sam can talk.  i guess words are my love language.  i am completely in love with the way he cuddles frantically into my arms (he gets stressed out when he's alone, and when i pick him up he cuddles me as if he couldn't get enough).  i adore the way he watches everything with his big beautiful eyes.  but i absolutely can't wait to hear what he has to say.  i am sure it will be astonishing, hilarious, and perfect.  i am going to keep the world's most exhaustive quote book.  so while i love being the mom of a newborn, i am very much looking forward to being the mom of a toddler.

6) i am so grateful for facebook.  i feel pretty isolated (it takes about a year to get out of the house ...) and i seriously miss my family (especially after the wonderful visitors we had!), so i am really glad to be able to stay in touch with everyone and share pictures & comments.  thank you for keeping in touch with me.

7) i really miss joey.  (i miss you SO MUCH jo!)  i think because i spent so much time with her when her kids were babies, everything about being a new mom reminds me of her.  and i know she would understand the moments when i get stressed and tired and wouldn't judge me for not having a shower for 3 days.    so, joey, if you're reading this: i love you, miss you, and think about you every day.  i wish you were right here, giving me pointers and helping me raise sam to be as incredible and dear as your girls <3.

i hope my thoughts are coherent.  i could probably benefit from a big gorgeous coffee right about now.  not gonna happen, so this is as good as it gets.
thanks for reading :)

ps my hair is sam's favorite toy.  i'm thinking of getting a new haircut that is somewhat out of his reach.  leave a comment & tell me what you think of this cut:

meet sam

sam is a sweet little nugget.  he likes soft blankets, curling his feet up against his chest, and music.  he likes looking at things.

he is also a mischievous monkey.  today i caught pee in my hand, because sam likes to wait for a diaper change to spray his mama.

he's sociable.  he loves to be around people, even when he's asleep. 

he likes noise - sleeps blissfully, even when the vacuum cleaner is rumbling beside his bed.

he likes to wake up in the middle of the night, and needs a good two hours of burping and cuddling before going back to bed.  this is not okay, so we're working on it.

he loves his grandmothers.

he adores cuddling on aunt angele.

he makes sweet little noises and even murmurs in his sleep - something tells me this kid is going to be a chatterbox. 

he likes his green soother better than his blue one, and he has already learned the sign language for food.

he loves being on his belly.  and he loves napping next to papa on the floor.  he's amazing. 

three wheel bliss

our little sam is here.

and he's perfect.
he loves to cuddle.  and he has the cutest little way of snuggling the top of his head up under my chin - i just love him.
he has super long toes.  a tiny little chin.  sweet little lips.  and hair that smells like all the good things in the world.

and i'm finding myself doing really weird things ... like not minding that he spat up a little on me tonight.  (HA!  baby puke used to gross me out.)  and talking in the babiest of baby talk.  and being grateful for four hours of sleep. 

i think sam is going to be so good for us.  :)

photos courtesy of victoria brundage.  thanks victizzle!

adoption

okay, okay, i'm sure you're not surprised that i'm writing about adoption today, on baby Sam's due date.  i can't even think about anything else, i'm so excited i'm having an asthma attack.  (i'm a happy wheezer.)
i was so thrilled to run across this verse in my morning reading today.  the closer we get to the adoption, the more in love i am with the fact that God has adopted us.
you know how people say they never understood their parents' love for them until they had children?
well, i've never understood God's love for us this much until we began this adoption.

here are my thoughts about it.
1) His pleasure and will.  - it makes Him happy to adopt us, and He wanted to do it.  it was His decision, flowing out of His radiant love.  just in the way that patrick and i have longed for a child, so God longs to bring us into His family.
2) adoption to sonship. - we're adopted into His family the same way little Sam will be adopted into our family - completely, wholly, as a son.  we will be his parents and he will be our son. although there will be a historical difference to how he came into our family, there will be no legal or practical difference between his presence in our family and any other child's.  wow - that's how God sees us.
3) He cares for us completely. - in just the same way that we've been praying for Sam and want to be the very best, dearest, most wholesome and godly of parents for him, God cares for us utterly.  that means He makes decisions in our best interest even if it hurts Him (like Calvary).
4) He doesn't count the cost.  the joy of adopting us as sons is worth every drop of blood He poured out. -  i never really understood this before.  but as we pay for this adoption, it's increasingly clear to me - the cost is worth it - more than worth it. 

so, hurray for God and His huge heart!  we're adopted as sons - cherished and loved and welcomed with all the joy Heaven contains.