mommy hood

the space ^ is deliberate. 
i'm like robin hood, but a mom.
not in the fact that i steal from the rich to give to the poor, but in the fact that i feel like i live in the middle of the woods and can't freely see my friends.
and by middle of the woods, i mean middle of the night.  thank you sam.

okay okay.  it's not all bad.  in fact, most of it is awesome.  but it's definitely surprising.

here are some things that surprise me about being a mom:

1) i am so tired all the time!  people warned me about this one, but i never really understood the magnitude of the overwhelming exhaustion.  moms are superheros.  i can't even imagine doing this with another child in the house.  i think i'd die!  a million rounds of applause to those of you who ever had more than one child in diapers at a time.  you are amazing.

2) i don't have time to eat.  no, i am sure i would have time to eat.  if someone else went out, bought the groceries, and prepared the food, i could probably find a few minutes to put it in my mouth.  but seriously, making 1 meal a day is about my standard the past few weeks. (and i even let myself feel successful about that.)  when one and a half hours out of every 3 is taken up in feeding, burping, snuggling, and settling sam ... i would really welcome a store bought chicken or a pizza!

3) i still like to clean.  maybe because our apartment is so small.  even the tiniest bit of clutter feels like chaos.  but out of my available hours in the day, i like to clean.  today i scoured the tub & sinks and did the laundry and it feels great.

4) my relationship with patrick is awesome(r).  it's so fun being in love with someone else, together.  watching him with sam makes me feel like i'm going to die because one soul can't contain so much happiness.  and when he takes his shift with a midnight or early morning feeding, i am swept with waves of gratitude and love that wash me right back to sleep :).

5) infants are adorable, but i am counting down the months til sam can talk.  i guess words are my love language.  i am completely in love with the way he cuddles frantically into my arms (he gets stressed out when he's alone, and when i pick him up he cuddles me as if he couldn't get enough).  i adore the way he watches everything with his big beautiful eyes.  but i absolutely can't wait to hear what he has to say.  i am sure it will be astonishing, hilarious, and perfect.  i am going to keep the world's most exhaustive quote book.  so while i love being the mom of a newborn, i am very much looking forward to being the mom of a toddler.

6) i am so grateful for facebook.  i feel pretty isolated (it takes about a year to get out of the house ...) and i seriously miss my family (especially after the wonderful visitors we had!), so i am really glad to be able to stay in touch with everyone and share pictures & comments.  thank you for keeping in touch with me.

7) i really miss joey.  (i miss you SO MUCH jo!)  i think because i spent so much time with her when her kids were babies, everything about being a new mom reminds me of her.  and i know she would understand the moments when i get stressed and tired and wouldn't judge me for not having a shower for 3 days.    so, joey, if you're reading this: i love you, miss you, and think about you every day.  i wish you were right here, giving me pointers and helping me raise sam to be as incredible and dear as your girls <3.

i hope my thoughts are coherent.  i could probably benefit from a big gorgeous coffee right about now.  not gonna happen, so this is as good as it gets.
thanks for reading :)

ps my hair is sam's favorite toy.  i'm thinking of getting a new haircut that is somewhat out of his reach.  leave a comment & tell me what you think of this cut: