learning to walk

today i am loving the fact that God is my father, and He is still teaching me to walk.

on meltdown days, on tired days, on please-God-help-me-not-to-lose-my-temper days, He is holding my hands and helping me learn how to walk.

yesterday i took sam for a walk.  not in the stroller, just on his own two feet. 

it was funny, because he's known how to walk for ages - but knowing how to walk, and knowing how to walk down the street are two different things. 

yesterday i realized i'm still teaching him.  he knows how to balance, how to put one foot in front of the other, how to get up and down the curbs, how to step over holes.  but he doesn't yet know to watch for cars, to stay on the sidewalk, to resist the temptation to run into strangers' backyards to chase cats.  he doesn't know how to wait at a light, go carefully through a parking lot, or step courteously to one side when someone else passes by.  and he surely doesn't know that garbage isn't supposed to go into his mouth.

all of these skills are yet to be acquired.  which can make going for a walk with me - with my hand holding his - very frustrating for him.  i can see the impatience on his eager little face - i want to do this alone!  i know how to walk!  why do you keep making me stop before we cross the street?  and why can't i taste that melted half-cup of slushie beside the garbage can?  gah!

and the answer, of course, is always i love you, i'm caring for you, and i'm teaching you how to walk wisely.

and a little part of me can hear the same words coming from a holy voice when i start to get frustrated.  how come this parenting thing is so hard?  why do things turn out badly when i am trying my best?  and can't i just go to the bathroom without sam losing his mind on the other side of the door? 

i love you, i'm caring for you, and i'm teaching you how to walk wisely.