For Patrick, on Valentine's Day

I love you
And your eternal patience
With my backseat driving.

I love you
And how you come home everyday
Ready to play.

I love you
And the way you wave to us
Before you get in the car.

I love you
And your midnight laughter
Over cake.

I love you
And your silly dancy songs
With the babies.

I love you
And your clever coffee alarm
At 5am.

I love you
And your willing endurance
Of my favourite songs on repeat.

I love you
And the way you eat soup with me
All winter long.

I love you
And the way you run upstairs
To check on the kids at night.

I love you
And geeking out on history and dialogue together
After we leave the movies.

I love you
And I love you
And I love you.


xo.
(3631-3640)

3621 to 3630

3621. Cozy morning cuddles with Kachi.
3622. Sunshine.
3623. Hot water.
3624. Coffee.
3625. Aunt D driving Patrick to work.
3626. The excitement of company coming!
3627. A gift in the mail.
3628. Vava wanting a cuddle.
3629. Sam helping me with garbage.
3630. . Mini chocolate granola bars.

A Crazy, Good Night

Kachi turned three months old last week. 

He's the dearest thing.  

He's bright and chatty, a good sleeper, a cranky teether, and sweetheartedly content.  (Teether - crazy, I know! He already has one tooth, and another is just about to break through the gums.)

I totally thought life with three kids would be insane.  I pictured harried evenings with Patrick and I stressed as we took turns juggling screamers, pukers, and poopers.  I thought their neediness would increase as they needed to compete for attention and time.  I thought it would be a lot harder right now.

It was a little tough at the beginning, when Kachi was still getting up in the night.  But we have wonderful little sleep-lovers, and all three of our kids slept through the night early.  I think that might be the life-saver ;).  

We have our busy moments, where I'm rushing from one need to meet another need and yet another is calling out for me - but overall, the kids are learning to be independent and patient, and I'm learning to prioritize ;).

Most evenings find us kissing Sam and Vava goodnight quite early, feeding Kachi his last bottle, then enjoying a few hours of solitude and rest.  It's awesome, and I'm so grateful for every moment.  

Tonight though - tonight was one of the nights I'd worried about.

Kachi woke up five minutes after I put him in bed for the night, jamming his little fists against his gums and squirming.  Patrick left for a meeting, so I turned on a show and just cuddled and paced with Kachi (his favourite soothing technique).  After a few angry screams, I realized he wasn't settling as he usually does, and it finally dawned on me that he was hungry - half an hour in his jolly jumper had really worked up an appetite.  So I mixed up a bottle for my squirmy, out-of-sorts boy and we wrestled our way through a bonus feeding.  Finally, he let out an enormous grunt and I realized he needed a fresh diaper.  Just then, I heard a huge wail from upstairs.

Sam occasionally has nightmares.  He has a recurring one where Spiderman takes him away and I don't come for him.  So I left stinky Kachi in the livingroom and ran as fast as I could up the stairs, hoping to interrupt the nightmare before it got worse and woke up Vava as well as Sam.

  

I dashed across the room and leaped onto the bed, wrapping Sam in my arms ... only to realize I wasn't leaping, I was skidding, and slipping, and sliding - in an enormous puddle of vomit.

I squawked, and woke Vava, who somehow had managed to sleep through the puking and wailing in her room ... 

And so I found myself running a bath, changing my clothes, stripping a bed, spraying a mattress, washing two toddlers (Vava couldn't sleep anyway) all at the same time - and then finally changing that longsuffering bottom and popping the baby in the tub too, because why not? 

After a few stories, cuddles, and kisses, all three of them fell back asleep.  

It's the silliest thing - and I wouldn't want my nights to usually be like this, because I'd be an exhausted wreck - but I loved feeling so needed and capable.  Taking care of them makes me feel so much more family-y.  I love that Sam was sobbing for Mama, that Kachi lit up with delight to join Sam and Vava in the tub, that Vava didn't want to sleep without "my boy, my Sam."  I loved seeing her hug him gently and kiss him goodnight.  I loved Kachi smiling at me as his eyes grew heavier and heavier, and he cuddled closer in my arms.  I love that there were fresh sheets and blankets folded in the cupboard, diapers stacked in Kachi's room, cozy clean pyjamas to dress them in, and stories to send them contentedly off to sleep.  I love that they're all sleeping soundly, the washing machine is humming, and the scent of Burt's Bees Baby wash still hovers in the air.

I know that they will grow and their hearts will break and their lives will grow complicated and there won't be anything I can do to make it all go away.  It will take a lot more than fresh bedding and a hot bath to make everything all better.  But right now, I get to be the one who comforts them, cleans them, makes them cozy, and sends them into peaceful sleep.

For this messy, brief moment, I'm enough.

And oh - 

it feels good.

3611 to 3620

3611. Flowers that smell like spring.
3612. Sam and Vava playing happily together.
3613. Kachinvya's happy alertness.
3614. Love-texts.
3615. A new book.
3616. Sunshine.
3617. Micah playing with Sam while I cleaned unhindered.
3618. Vava wanting to sit on my yap :D.
3619. Our church getting a new pastor.
3620. Laughing with Patrick.

3601 to 3610

3601. My patient Patrick.
3602. Snowsuits.
3603. Great grocery prices.
3604. Dancing with the kids.
3605. My kids' forgiveness.
3606. Heat!
3607. Kachi laughing so loudly he startled himself.
3608. Sam speaking tenderly to his brother, "hi Kachimbeewa, are you my tweasure? Yes you are, yes you are!"
3609. A reminder to parent gently.
3610. My night to sleep on the undisturbable side of the bed ♥.

3591 to 3600

3591. Happy kids who don't seem to feel the cold.
3592. Kachi being so cute and content while I fed the bigs.
3593. Aunt D picking up Patrick and brushing the snow off our car.
3594. Vava, super absorbed in playing with her toys.
3595. Sam's single tear at the sad point in his movie.
3596. Sam asking for "a yittle candy?" (I can't resist that "yittle".)
3597. Finding a duplicate of Sam's long lost and deeply missed dinosaur.
3598. Watching The Musketeers with my OTL.
3599. Having book-nerd friends who really get it.
3600. The prospect of heat returning tomorrow!! Hooray for a fixed furnace!

3581 to 3590

3581. Patrick zooming home when I was scared by the furnace noises.
3582. Vava telling me she loves me, for no particular reason.
3583. Sam holding my hand while we cuddled on the couch.
3584. Making awesome plans for February.
3585. Kachi trying so hard to smile at me, as sleep took over.
3586. Fleece sheets.
3587. Patrick knowing me so well.
3588. Huge slow snowflakes falling.
3589. Meeting a nice mom.
3590. Eating from a pretty bowl.

3581-3590

3581. Kachi's laid-back morning awesomeness.
3582. Vava looking so pretty in turquoise.
3583. Sam laughing uproariously.
3584. Friends.
3585. Dark chocolate cranberry coconut cookies.
3586. Vava putting herself in timeout because Sam was there.
3587. Finding Waldo with Sam.
3588. Dancing in the kitchen (again)!
3589. Finishing another gymbook.
3590. Getting lost in my year-plan Bible and reading a few days ahead.

3571-3580

3571. Kachinvya smiling up at me whenever I catch his eye.
3572. Sam's duplo robot.
3573. Vava singing and dancing in the kitchen.
3574. My reading buddy at the gym.
3575. Everything I went to buy being on sale at the grocery store.
3576. Patrick being so good at putting the kids to bed.
3577. Vava wanting to sit in a big-girl chair at the table.
3578. Fun songs.
3579. Sam helping Kachi in the jolly jumper.
3580. Kachi loving his soft book.

3561-3570

3561. Homemade banana, pb, & chocolate chip ice cream.
3562. A sleeping baby to cuddle.
3563. Selfies with my Vavalove.
3564. Sam in a suit.
3565. Teenagers praising.
3566. Kind smiles.
3567. Running across the parking lot with the kiddoes.
3568. Sunshine.
3569. Homemade dressing that's plate-lickin' good.
3570. Vava taking Kachi's jolly jumper for a spin.

3551 to 3560

3551. Sam telling Vava he loved her.
3552. Vava announcing "I'm here!" after naptime.
3553. Kachi smiling and laughing at Sam.
3554. Butter chicken.
3555. Mandarin oranges with hazelnut cream.
3556. Patrick playing with Sam and Vava after supper.
3557. Chatting with our neighbours in the snowy sunshine.
3558. The way evening quiet settles in.
3559. Kachinvya's sweet baby smell.
3560. The ache for justice that flares.

3541 to 3550

3541. Sam's irrepressible smile.
3542. Vava, nonchalantly falling off the couch head first and remaining completely blasée.
3543. Kachi's wobbly, toothless grins.
3544. Texting with my one true love.
3545. S&V laughing, pelting me with snow from the other side of the door.
3546. Grocery shopping alone.
3547. Crisp salad.
3548. A new broom.
3549. Sam and Vava practicing swimming in the bath.
3550. Sam asking if Jesus has dogs. ♥

3531 to 3540

3531. Reunion with friends.
3532. An array of hot sauces.
3533. Christmas movies.
3534. Sam comforting Kachi.
3535. Sam and Vava giving me hugs after I cut my finger.
3536. Sweet messages from friends.
3537. Feeding Kachinvya in quietness while Patrick bathed the kids.
3538. Sweet & helpful pharmacist.
3539. Vava wanting horsey rides, and laughing at my pony rap.
3540. Patrick doing the supper dishes.

3521 to 3530

3521. My bible app reading plan - keeping me focused when my hours swirl in dizzy exhaustion.
3522. Coffee.
3523. Pumpkin chai.
3524. Comfortably casual friends.
3525. Snowflakes.
3526. Hand-me-downs.
3527. My new storage shelves.
3528. Leftover Hallowe'en goodies.
3529. Thoughtfulness.
3530. Somebody praying for me. ♥

3511 to 3520

3511. Coffee.
3512. Your help.
3513. A still moment of fresh air, breathing alone in the frost-tipped backyard.
3514. Sam pretending to be Santa, singing to himself.
3515. Sam apologizing, after I asked his forgiveness for losing my temper: "I'm sorry for disobeying, mama. I'm sorry for making a big mess. I'm sorry for being naughty. I'm so sorry."
3516. Your prayer-answer, coming quietly.
3517. Kachi swimming in the tub.
3518. The kids gobbling veggie soup.
3519. Passionfruit scented shampoo ... sweet nostalgia.
3520. Kachinvya's sneezes: two achoos and a groan.

3501 to 3510

3501. Sam's apologetic hug & kiss when he realized he'd pulled my hair.
3502. Friends ♥.
3503. God pressing my heart.
3504. Vava telling me "here's your happy girl, mama!"
3505. Kachi wrapping his clumsy little arms around the pink zebra.
3506. Kachinvya and Vava snuggling.
3507. Supper-love, with Oreos.
3508. Notes from far-away friends.
3509. Small victories.
3510. Patrick sending me to bed while he does the dishes. ♥.

3491 to 3500

3491. Your challenge to learn.
3492. Your help.
3493. Vava's resilience.
3494. Being weird out loud.
3495. My family.
3496. Patrick's generous heart.
3497. Sam finding joy in making others happy.
3498. Kachinvya's bliss: floating in the tub while Sam roars like a dinosaur.
3499. Hazelnut sweetener.
3500. Cozy blankets in a chilly room.

3481 to 3490

3481. Another good sleep.
3482. Having Patrick home for one more day.
3483. Juicy grapefruit, sliced and scrumptious.
3484. Kachinvya's funny faces.
3485. Vava remembering who gave her her "pippy dess."
3486. Watching The First Grader on Netflix.
3487. Patrick's beautiful profile.
3488. A sumptuous feast, delivered by one of our family's favourite people.
3489. Kachi in his puppy outfit.
3490. Vava insisting on helping with dishes.

3471 to 3480

3471. Vava's morning emergency: "mama! Mama! I can't whistle!"
3472. Sam's morning emergency: "papa, I'm starving! I have just one starve!"
3473. Sam's frequent - and effective - use of the mama-melting "I love you!"
3474. A great playdate.
3475. A forgiving friend.
3476. Vava kissing the tub because she loves baths so much.
3477. Sam peering over his sunglasses, declaring, "you're beau'ful!"
3478. Vava telling me about all the characters on her show.
3479. Kissable Kachinvya.
3480. And his kissable papa.

3461 to 3470

3461. Sunny walk.
3462. Playdate at the park.
3463. Warm, happy-in-my-belly soup.
3464. Sam catching on so quickly to volleyball serving.
3465. Patrick painting in the basement.
3466. Vava's sweet hugs after naptime.
3467. Date night with my One True Love.
3468. Kachinvya in the tub - stretching, sprawling, floating.
3469. Sam and Vava's fascination with pruney fingers after bathtime.
3470. The prospect of a full night's sleep ... my mother-in-law's sweet gift.