To family, traveling at Christmas

The wise men would probably follow a GPS, like you are, tomorrow.

Mary and Joseph would probably drive to Bethlehem, like you are, tomorrow.

The angels would still show up in the middle of the night, like you are, tomorrow.

And God would bring joy to the world, like you are, to us, tomorrow.

Godspeed.

Xo.

That's it, that's the Christmas

The best part of Christmas is the people you spend it with.

It's why God sent Jesus,

Immanuel, God with us.

No matter the presents or no presents.

No matter what's on the table.

No matter.

He came.

For us.

At Christmas.

That's it, that's the story.

The simple, beautiful, whole story.

Wherever and whoever and however we are, He came for us.

Merry Christmas, friends.

Xo

Jesus was a Wordle

Jesus was a Wordle
A puzzle, a hurdle
Five letters like darts
Thrown at random on the wall.
The grey answers surprise us most of all.

All I Want for Christmas...

I don't know who made this, but it makes me laugh every time.

Xo 

Welcome to the Party

I went to a Christmas show tonight. Our town boasts a very fantastic little theatre, and an enormously talented singer-songwriter.

"I've been doing this forever. Like - forever. Since I was two," she laughed, making fun of herself, gently, for being old (she's not old), "and for the last five years I've been doing it right here. Welcome to the party."

And that last little four-word phrase is the whole secret to her magnetic personality.  She's a one-woman party, wherever she goes.

"Use your outdoor voices!" she encourages kids when they come to her house for her kids' birthday parties, "be silly! Have fun!"

As a socially awkward, weirdly religious, sensitive and quiet kid, I definitely felt like I belonged on the outside of things. If there was a party, I was standing outside. If I was at the party, I was only there because my sisters were invited. Other kids eagerly jumped into games and taking part; I watched. I remember in junior high, a guy who lived around the corner had a party when his parents weren't home. I walked by, and saw kids on the deck, kids in the garage, kids inside.

I kicked stones all the way home.

I saw lots of parties, but I never felt like I belonged in one. I couldn't even imagine how I ever would. I felt a strong connection to the prodigal son's sulky older brother - lurking outside, waiting to be noticed and coaxed into joining.

Watching my friend welcome everyone to the perpetual party that she is, my heart stirred. 

Jesus welcomes everyone to the party that he is. He puts his best clothes on his beloveds, and gives us his best food and gifts. He even comes outside and invites those who don't feel like they belong. 

And maybe you love being at parties. Maybe you love joining in freely and gladly, pulling up a chair and bringing your favourite jokes out to play. "Welcome to the party," he says.

Or maybe you don't know how to join in or be part of the crew. Maybe you feel like you don't belong, awkward, possibly unwanted. Maybe you, like me, stand around on the edges in an agony of awkwardness. God sent him out looking for us, standing on the curb kicking stones. He comes all the way outside and looks right into your face. "Welcome to the party," he says.

He came for us all.

Merry Christmas, friends.

Xo.

The kingdom of heaven is a like a king who prepared a feast for his son (my paraphrase) ... Matthew chapter 22 verse 2

Buzzprints

I took a long walk with Eevee tonight, and we ended up at Buzz's favourite place.  I let Eevee prowl and I sat down on the rocks and cried.

"I'm sorry, Buzz," I said.

"I'm sorry that our best wasn't good enough for you. I'm sorry that your life started out rough, and ended so soon. I'm sorry we didn't find you a home."

I watched the river eddy and curl around the rocks. I looked out across the water, where just last week he chased his last flock of geese. There were none.

It was too cloudy tonight for seeing stars.

Eevee ran past me, and I called her back. "Come, Eevee! Come!" She'll never come, I thought, and then I cried again, because Buzz would have. He was such a good boy, as long as nobody came near me. Eevee never listens.

And then she turned and loped back to me, her tail like a waving plume.

She came.

Maybe Buzz left more than his collar behind after all. 

I laughed, a wobbly almost-cry sort of laugh.

Before Buzz came, we always said that Eevee didn't know she was a dog. She slept on the couch, sat up in the car, and hugged with her forelegs as if they were arms. But after Buzz came, she began to sometimes sleep on the floor. She sometimes curled up in the car. She sometimes squirmed around for a belly rub instead of a humanish hug.

Do you remember when Jesus told his disciples what God wants from people? To love your neighbour as yourself, and to love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength (my paraphrase).

Forgive me if the comparison hurts you; I mean it with so much love and reverence. But, like Buzz, Jesus didn't come for long either. He had a tough start too. And He didn't have a home here either. But every time we love our neighbours as ourselves - every time we love God with all we've got - it's a little trace of his having come, a little proof that he was here. We're better humans for his having come that starry Bethlehem night.

Eevee's dogginess and obedience are little proofs of Buzz's having been here.

Love - deep and determined love - love is proof of Jesus having been here.

I see it everywhere.

Merry Christmas, friends.

Xo.

Buzz and Eevee in his favourite place on his last night.

John 13:35 - by this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

Victory, Protector, the Beautiful

Kachi had a tough day.

The bad feelings bled out of school and stained his walk home and tracked right into suppertime. 

He could not hold.

But he went to bed in much brighter spirits, and when I was going to bed myself I realized why.

He had written himself a note, with the meanings of his names on it.

Victory.

Protector.

Beautiful.

It's a very good strategy.

When something is wrong, remembering who we are is restorative.

Our Creator calls us

Beloved.

I will wrap myself in that like a blanket.

Sweet dreams, friends.

and Merry Christmas,

xo.

"I Can't Hold"

When Kachi was really small, he used to put something down that he was supposed to be carrying, and tell us, in a voice with true distress, "I can't hold!" This would usually happen when it was time to tidy up, or help set the table, or do something that he wasn't already wanting to do.

Because he was such an early talker, sometimes we forgot that he wasn't always able to express himself with precision. So when he told us "I can't hold!" the first few times, we wondered - is it something physiological? Neurological? Is his grip not as strong as it should be?

We tested it out the next time he panicked. 

"I can't hold!"

"Can you hold a chocolate?"

"Of co'se!" And he would happily, easily hold a chocolate. Grip is fine, physical function is fine. So then we thought maybe he was trying to get out of the chores - can't hold, pfft. But that theory didn't fit well with his eager character, his helpful happy demeanour. He was usually proud to help. Plus, he was obviously upset.

It took a while before we realized that "I can't hold" was his tiny tot way of telling us that he was maxed out. "I can't take it anymore!" his grandmother might have sighed when feeling the same way; "I can't even!" his mom might have said with exasperation.

And lately his expression has been echoing in my head. Life is a busy whirl. The news - globally, and right next door - makes my head hurt and heart ache. And I try to make a difference and I try to help - globally, and right next door - but sometimes I can feel my fingers slip. 

"I can't hold," I cry.

And sometimes God comforts me with chocolate.

And sometimes he sends me love through the deep kindness of my friends.

And sometimes he just reminds me that I don't have to. I don't have to fix the world or even my neighbourhood. I can let go, and anything that falls will fall into his hands.

It has been there all along anyway.

Merry Christmas, friends.

Xo.

‭‭Deuteronomy 33:27

The eternal God is your refuge, and his everlasting arms are under you.

So Merry, Gentlemen

God rest ye merry, gentlemen, 

Let nothing you dismay

Remember Christ our Saviour 

Was born on Christmas day

To save us all from Satan's pow'r

When we were gone astray

O tidings of comfort and joy

Comfort and joy

O tidings of comfort and

JOY! Joy joy joy joy joy joy joy

Down in my heart 

I've got the love of Jesus in my heart

And I'm so merry, gentlemen,

Nothing you dismay

For Christ our Saviour born 

In my heart

Comfort and joy

O tidings of comfort and joy 

On Christmas Day.

I'm so sorry if I just ruined both songs for you lol but I just got out of the shower and if you are not creating song mashups in the shower, what exactly do you do with your time in there? Pay attention to your cleaning routine? Pffft.

;) Merry Christmas, friends!

Xo.

Some of my Christmas Playlist

I love Nsync's version of this carol. Especially the line "the weary world rejoices." I once worked with a man who found God in washing dishes, because he spent his days making dirty things clean. "I get to be just like Jesus." The weary world rejoicing in Jesus is my favourite. Who isn't weary? Who doesn't want to rejoice?

This strange song got stuck in my heart the first time I heard it. The rhythm, the slow rise, the elegant fall in such a heartachey minor key - the singable oooohs - and the mysterious lyrics? I was following the pack / all swaddled in their coats / with scarves of red tied around their throats / and I'd turn round and there you'd go / and Michael you would fall / and turn the white snow red as strawberries in the summertime. According to Rolling Stone, it was written by Robin Pecknold about his experience of being left behind in Middle School. It's not a Christmas song but it mentions snow so I guess it's Christmassy enough for Pentatonix ... and me lol :)

I wish this song by Boney M got as much air time as Wham's Last Christmas (arguably the worst Christmas song ever ... right?). It's so danceable and fun. (They also do the irresistible Rivers of Babylon and Ra-Ra-Rasputin.)

This entire album makes me happy. I don't remember a Christmas without it. I love Kenny and Dolly.

And I love this carol mashup by Hound + Fox. It's a pretty good antidote to the gimmes - remembering that Jesus came to us by plunging straight into poverty, sharing our sorrows and hunger. He won't let me celebrate Christmas without giving to the hungry. He remembers what that feels like. (Oh, thank God. He remembers what it feels like to be us.) 

Merry Christmas, friends.
xo

Scaracles

I was talking to my parents on the phone tonight. My dad was telling me about all the cars he's fixed this week - my mom's, my sister's, and two of my nieces'. 

He had a heart attack this summer, and since the doctor placed the stent in, he's feeling better than he's felt in a very long time. 

"I gotta say - I think I endured a miracle," he said, and I laughed, because isn't that a delightful turn of phrase? 

And I knew exactly what he meant.

Growth and goodness and forward motion don't always start out looking like something joyful. Obstacles and one way streets are scary, and taxing, and scary.  When my Dad was lying in the hospital bed, I did not think he was experiencing a miracle. It was a heart attack, and knowing he'd had one left me greyer and wrinklier than before. But the care he received from the heart attack has improved and blessed his life - he's stronger, and healthier, and not taking his fitness for granted. My dad loves to work, and he's able to work hard again. Yeah - it's a miracle.

But it was a scary miracle (a scaracle?).

I know Mary thought the same thing that first Christmas.

And Joseph. 

And the shepherds.

Its why all the angels said, "fear not." Because they knew we'd be scared. 

New things, strange things, enormous things - they're scary. We don't know how they'll play out. Pregnancies, illnesses, new relationships, moving house, new jobs ... 

I'm starting a new position at work tomorrow. I'm scared. It's new. I'll have more responsibility and I'll probably make more mistakes than I'm happy with and I dislike the feeling of not knowing what I'm supposed to be doing until I found out I've done it the wrong way (which is, like, 90% of learning, so I'm in for a ride). 

But it's Christmas and I've got a soft spot in my heart for miracles at Christmas. Even ones that make my heart shake. 

Fear not.
Fear not.
Fear not.

Merry Christmas, friends.
xo.

(my beautiful parents enjoying their precious time together.)

Inside Out

You know in the cartoon Inside Out, when Riley learns the value of sadness - 

She discovers that her sorrows provide opportunities for others to gather around her in comfort. 

I keep finding out the same thing. 

Sorrows bring comforters, like you - my friends.

Sadness brings people together, pulling the kind and caring ones out of the quiet and into our consciousness. Cynics might say Misery loves company, but I don't think it does. I think Misery wants other people to be miserable, but I think Sorrow loves company.

Inside Out is such a clever title, because we get the story from the inside out, but also - the truth of joy and sadness is inside out. Riley thought only joy was good - only joy could make her happy. But she learned the inside out truth that the warm and deep feelings of comfort, sympathy, compassion, only come when sadness is present. And those feelings are good and rich and bind us together.

I think Christmas is full of upside down and inside out truth too.

The king in the manger.

A baby in danger.

A virgin with child.

A God, meek and mild.

John 1:5 says -

The Light shines on in the darkness, and the darkness did not understand it or overpower it or appropriate it or absorb it [and is unreceptive to it].

(Amplified version).

The darkness of saying goodbye to Buzz made your comfort so bright and warm, dear friends. The heavy sorrow we carry is lightened by your kindnesses and warmth. 

Thank you for lighting candles for us in all your multiple ways.

Merry Christmas, dear friends.

Xo.