snakes :( (joey, sniech, don't read)

a couple of weeks ago, patrick and i were running errands with sam.  on the way in to our building, i was carrying bags, and patrick was carrying sam, so i wasn't really looking where i was going, just trying to get upstairs and into our apartment without dropping things or losing circulation in my wrist.

i heard patrick gasp, and he said "just keep going.  keep going."  i could smell gas in the hallway, and i thought maybe he was worried that something was wrong. 

when we got into our apartment, he said "you just killed a snake."

i almost died.

i had apparently crushed its head with my heel.

i hate snakes with a completely irrational loathing.  even when i simply think about them, my insides cringe up with a knotty twisty fear.  when i see them, i shake and cry and struggle not to throw up. (and scream and run and shake some more.)

it kind of makes me mad.  i don't want those slithering little beasts to have any sort of control over me.

anyway, after i knew that snake was there, i avoided that stairwell unless patrick was with me. 

i remembered something people in zambia said - if you see one dead snake, watch out whenever you're in that spot, because another snake will come to mourn its death.

and i was pretty confident that wouldn't happen.  we walk through a long-grassy path on our way to town, and we've never seen a snake.  on all our hikes, we've never seen a snake.  and among our tbay friends, only one has ever seen a snake here.

but on friday last, a friend was on her way in to our apartment, and she saw a snake in the same spot.

i died.

i can barely take a step without looking for one.  i lie down at night worried that one will slither under the door.  i wake up a few times a night and peer out of our bedroom, expecting to see one sliding across the entry floor.  i can't even bear it.  when sam cries unexpectedly in the night, part of me shudders at the possibility that there is a snake on him.

i seriously need help.

i've been praying that God will give me the same peace He gave me when i went to zambia.  (He told me that if i went, He'd worry about the snakes for me - and He did.)

if you'd pray for me too, i'd really appreciate it.  this snake thing is driving me up the wall.
:(