Friday, October 15, 2010

just another way to be like Jesus.

alrighty.  today i'm responding to a post my friend Carrie wrote about Christian marriages and sex.  you can check out her post here.
if that sort of thing isn't the type of topic you want to read, please stop now. :).  i'll still love you.
on the other hand, if you do want to read, agree, disagree, comment, or interrupt ... the comment box is below and i'd love to hear from you.

a long time ago, i wrote a post about a coworker, who found joy in washing dishes.  he said that making dirty things clean all day was just another way he could be like Jesus. 
and that phrase stuck in my head.
and i think that God is always working on making us more like Jesus.  and He uses all sorts of things to do that.
and i think that one of those things is sex.

God is a giver.
and being givers is one of the sweetest ways to be like Him.  Jesus gave everything for us.  and He gives us every good & perfect gift.
and virginity is one of the good & perfect gifts He gives us.
He gives it to us because He knows that giving is awesome.  and when we come to marriage as virgins, we come as givers - not seekers, not takers, but givers - we get to be like Him in the sweetest, most vulnerable way possible.

in my experience (getting personal here, beware), being in this kind of marriage is spectacularly awesome.  it's exciting, it's fun, it's always new, and it's beautiful.  it's not boring, stale, or selfish.  it's honest.  it's incredibly secure-ifying.  (i mean, it helps me be secure.  i struggle with this in every area of my life, except with patrick.)

i think i was blessed (?) to be raised in a church that didn't talk about sex at all.  what i mean is, i didn't hear "sex is bad" from the pulpit, at youth events, etc.  i didn't hear anything about that.  so instead of having a lot of creepy baggage to wade through, i feel like i absorbed most of my opinions, thoughts, ideas about sex from my parents indirectly, through my upbringing.  and i am grateful for that.
let me explain.

my parents lived out their faith.  as i grew up, i watched them make sacrifices to care for others.  i watched them trust God when things were really hard.  i felt loved and wanted ... even though we were a big family, i always felt like my parents were glad for every one of us kids.  sure they weren't perfect, but i always knew their motivation, in everything they did, was to honor God and care for their family.  and that permeated their relationship too.

so Christianity was never a separate category in their lives.  everything they did sprang from loving Jesus and wanting to obey and live out His word.  and when I became a Christian too, they were really good examples.  i wanted to be like them.  and they wanted to be like Jesus.  so i learned from them to let Him be my deepest motivation.  to let Him lead.  to put Him first.

in every area of my life, i feel blessed by this.  clearly, i'm no saint, and can be labeled honestly as a work in progress.  but like my parents, i really want to love Jesus in every area of my life.

and so why would sex be any different?  loving Jesus makes me better. (okay, right now every single person i know is probably snorting and remembering something awful i've done.  i don't mean perfect.  i just mean, better than i would be without Him.  and happier, more complete.  not that i love Him in order to be happy ... but He's awesome, and when i love Him, i'm transformed to be like Him in tiny ways.)  and if it makes me more generous, kind, free, selfless ... that translates into a really happy lover.  and that translates into good great (!) sex.

does this make sense at all?  am i totally rambling?  i just think the recipe for having great sex starts with the same recipe for anything great ... Jesus on the throne of your heart.

purity and love spring from Him.  it's not something you can manufacture.  i can't imagine trying to be a good lover apart from having Him in my heart.  when i'm feeling angry or selfish or sullen or just cranky ... He reminds me that patrick is my husband, and i love him.  i love him!  even cranky angry selfish me loves him. and Jesus rocks. because He even cares about that.

i can't imagine anyone having a sweeter, awesomer, crazier, more fun marriage than ours.  in every way, i am honored, loved, cherished, adored, and satisfied.  and sex is divine.


  1. i've heard so many times that if you don't have sex before you're married, you'll have a boring sex life. or how do you know if a person is good in bed if you don't try it out with them first?
    but... if you're a generous, giving, loving person in every other aspect of your life, it makes sense that you'll be that way in bed too. and that's what makes great sex. if you're self centered and selfish, a seeker, or taker, then your sex life is going to be like that too.

  2. Bravo Pat & Janelle! I totally agree xox

  3. I'm so loving this post. How would you feel about me reposting it on my blog in The Marriage Bed series? I think it would be well received and extremely encouraging!
    Let me know what you think. xo

  4. I agree 100%! I am very proud of both of you. xoxo