a couple of weeks ago, patrick and i were running errands with sam. on the way in to our building, i was carrying bags, and patrick was carrying sam, so i wasn't really looking where i was going, just trying to get upstairs and into our apartment without dropping things or losing circulation in my wrist.
i heard patrick gasp, and he said "just keep going. keep going." i could smell gas in the hallway, and i thought maybe he was worried that something was wrong.
when we got into our apartment, he said "you just killed a snake."
i almost died.
i had apparently crushed its head with my heel.
i hate snakes with a completely irrational loathing. even when i simply think about them, my insides cringe up with a knotty twisty fear. when i see them, i shake and cry and struggle not to throw up. (and scream and run and shake some more.)
it kind of makes me mad. i don't want those slithering little beasts to have any sort of control over me.
anyway, after i knew that snake was there, i avoided that stairwell unless patrick was with me.
i remembered something people in zambia said - if you see one dead snake, watch out whenever you're in that spot, because another snake will come to mourn its death.
and i was pretty confident that wouldn't happen. we walk through a long-grassy path on our way to town, and we've never seen a snake. on all our hikes, we've never seen a snake. and among our tbay friends, only one has ever seen a snake here.
but on friday last, a friend was on her way in to our apartment, and she saw a snake in the same spot.
i can barely take a step without looking for one. i lie down at night worried that one will slither under the door. i wake up a few times a night and peer out of our bedroom, expecting to see one sliding across the entry floor. i can't even bear it. when sam cries unexpectedly in the night, part of me shudders at the possibility that there is a snake on him.
i seriously need help.
i've been praying that God will give me the same peace He gave me when i went to zambia. (He told me that if i went, He'd worry about the snakes for me - and He did.)
if you'd pray for me too, i'd really appreciate it. this snake thing is driving me up the wall.