it's 1am. i've been lying in bed trying to fall asleep for an hour.
all i can think about is the rather astonishing fact that our baby is due in five weeks and five days.
the adoption process is nowhere near ready. our joblessness has been holding it up - so for those of you who pray, please add us to your list! it's been a big stress for me the past few weeks, to say the least ... but this week, the Lord just told me to sit back and watch Him work.
so i have been, and will keep on, trusting Him.
(on that note,i am loving this post from kelly at life[revealed].)
today an amazing couple from church offered me a permanent ('til school's out) part-time position as a tutor. so we'll see how it goes from here. hopefully this will be enough to move everything forward!
last night, i slept soundly. this morning, a lady in church asked me if i was too excited to sleep. i smiled inside, thinking me? too excited to sleep? never. i love sleep. turns out, she's quite the prophetess. i've got a lot to do in the next few weeks and i can't stop thinking about all of it.
i keep seeing stacks of onesies and newborn diapers and bottles and nursing blankets appearing on the closet shelves. soft little towels and tiny tiny socks. baby shampoo. wipes. soothers. all the accoutrements of awesomeness.
i keep trying to picture his face. what will he look like? hair? eyes? nose? will he be snuggly and demonstrative? a quiet, independent sort of kid? will he have allergies? be fussy? be a good sleeper? what if he gets sick? what if i drop him? will people think we're a family? will he truly feel mine, right from the start? am i actually going to be a mom - after all this time? what if something happens and the adoption is canceled?
i know this is all in Jesus' hands. and, no matter what happens, i know that His way is best. i don't want to miss out on something just because it contains the possibility for heartbreak. any good thing contains the seed of sorrow.
i can't wait to meet my little stranger.