here is love, vast as the ocean

I miss my ocean.

I miss the salt tang in the air.

I miss the way the enormous crash and shhh of the surf pounds pettiness to dust and settles my heart.

I come to the shore with a heart full of tossing and the vastness steadies me, thrills me.

Sometimes we get a huge storm here that gives me a similar feeling: a little perspective adjustment and awe. But still, I miss my ocean.

It's no secret that the past few years have been hard. Difficulties have crashed down, wave after wave, and my body keeps the score. The hair at my temples has turned white, age spots and wrinkles are etched into my face. I've been grinding my teeth at night and breaking old fillings. Struggles have pressed themselves indelibly into my body, and I feel like I've aged ten years in the past three.

So last week when a teenager at camp showed me the prison tat she had given herself, and offered to give me my first tattoo, I said yes. 

I know it's all kinds of crazy, but -

Sorrow has left its mark: I want to leave a mark of joy and reminder of goodness too.

So she inked a line of waves across my shoulder: my own little ocean. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it. 

I have been held and buoyed up.

I have been hard pressed but not overcome.

My heart is at the feet of the One who walks on water.

And now, my body keeps that score too.

❤️xo