Friday, May 31, 2013

three days' drive

i always imagined being a mom with my mom.

my nana and grampie were really close to us - when i was really young, they came over almost every day, and when i was 4, we moved into a house just 2 houses away from them.  i remember being at their place as much as at our own.

i guess when i was a kid i just thought that was what my life would be like as a mom too.  with my mom in the kitchen alongside me - hers, mine, whichever, and my kids hearing her stories and growing up eating her cooking and rummaging through her cupboards for toblerones or liquorice. :)

it feels weird, when i stop and think about it, to have this house so empty and silent through the day.  i wish i had my mom to laugh with over the funny and silly things sam does, the hilarious noises vava makes.  i wish i was chatting with her about the inconsequential everyday things - the great sausages i got at the deli, and the neighbours' new truck, and the best way to keep squirrels off the deck.  i wish there was someone who really would pop in and love us even if the laundry wasn't folded and sam was tracking mud in and out ten times a day.  i wish there was someone who would call out "love you!" even if i was just running upstairs to get sam out of his crib.

i never imagined i would be raising my kids so far away from my family.  it's really hard.  and i make so many mistakes, and they loom large when i look around and there's just us.  no one else to say "pfft, they'll be fine" when i start to worry.  no one else to hug my kids and be proud of them when they succeed at little things, or to laugh at them so much that they find it easy to laugh at themselves.

the happy, full busyness of a big family is such a gift.

wrap your arms around the people who sit at your table and look at their beautiful faces and put that picture on your mental desktop forever.

i miss you, mom. some days i just want to hop in the car and drive and drive and drive until i get to your door.

xo

4 comments:

  1. Awww...that is so true! Things are never the way we picture them when we're young (sometimes they're better, but you being far from me is not better!). I love that my girls have memories of when you lived with us. They sometimes tell stories of those memories and they're always a little sad you don't live with us anymore. I want to be close to Sam and Vava like you were to Ashlin, Marcella, and Laurie.

    I remember being sad when Mom was out living with Nana and I felt like my girls were missing out on so much by not having her here; but it's all been made up by her living so close now and for the last number of years. Maybe when she and Dad retire, they will decide to come to TBay instead of getting a house with us. I'd rather if you guys came here, but I'd be willing to let them go there for a little while so Sam and Vava etc (just to start rumors), can have the joy of living near them. I think it's really important.

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  2. Awwww! You guys make me cry! I wish I could be everywhere. I wish I could be next door to all of you . I would love nothing better than to pop over and say, "Janelle, you just take my car and go shopping. I am going to spend some time with Sam and Vava."
    I am so happy that I had Mom close to us when you kids were young. I used to love having here come over for supper and play games in the evening. I loved being able to call her and ask her about fevers and coughs as well as to go shopping with when you were all in school.
    Ig God opens the way for us to go to Thunder Bay after we retire I would love that. Or maybe He will bring you here so we can all do things together.
    Janelle, you are such a good Mom. I love the way you look at things and the way you take time to play with them and teach them. I might get on your nerves if I was too close. Let's pray that God will work out the best plan so that we can enjoy each other and honor Him at the same time. I love you and your precious family. Hugs to all.

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  3. sweet!! (cried)

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