i always imagined being a mom with my mom.
my nana and grampie were really close to us - when i was really young, they came over almost every day, and when i was 4, we moved into a house just 2 houses away from them. i remember being at their place as much as at our own.
i guess when i was a kid i just thought that was what my life would be like as a mom too. with my mom in the kitchen alongside me - hers, mine, whichever, and my kids hearing her stories and growing up eating her cooking and rummaging through her cupboards for toblerones or liquorice. :)
it feels weird, when i stop and think about it, to have this house so empty and silent through the day. i wish i had my mom to laugh with over the funny and silly things sam does, the hilarious noises vava makes. i wish i was chatting with her about the inconsequential everyday things - the great sausages i got at the deli, and the neighbours' new truck, and the best way to keep squirrels off the deck. i wish there was someone who really would pop in and love us even if the laundry wasn't folded and sam was tracking mud in and out ten times a day. i wish there was someone who would call out "love you!" even if i was just running upstairs to get sam out of his crib.
i never imagined i would be raising my kids so far away from my family. it's really hard. and i make so many mistakes, and they loom large when i look around and there's just us. no one else to say "pfft, they'll be fine" when i start to worry. no one else to hug my kids and be proud of them when they succeed at little things, or to laugh at them so much that they find it easy to laugh at themselves.
the happy, full busyness of a big family is such a gift.
wrap your arms around the people who sit at your table and look at their beautiful faces and put that picture on your mental desktop forever.
i miss you, mom. some days i just want to hop in the car and drive and drive and drive until i get to your door.