Wednesday, May 30, 2012

ahh yes. that's you. i love you.

to know or not to know: apparently, that is the question!

patrick and i would like to find out our baby's sex during an ultrasound, if it's possible.  we had an ultrasound yesterday, but baby wasn't in a good viewing position, and didn't move, even with lots of prodding and hoping :)  however, we'll be going back for another ultrasound next month, and hopefully we'll get to find out then!

a lot of people think it's a shame to find out before the birth, because they like being surprised, and that's cool for them, but it's not something i value.  the idea of being surprised in the delivery room isn't a huge motivator for me.  i want to know in advance, to dream about this baby as he or she is, to imagine him or her in all the detail possible.  i was thrilled to read the measurements on the screen yesterday - the baby's femur, for example, is 3cm long.  and i love that femur more now, because i know something about it :).

for me, knowing the baby's sex is one more way to bond, to feel like the baby is more real somehow. 

i think it's kind of like when i fell in love.  we had only met once in person, but it was a pretty blurry memory.  i completely fell for patrick, though, when we started chatting on msn.  head over heels.  we spent hours online talking and getting to know each other.  i read his poetry and laughed at his jokes and saved our conversations to read and reread.  every word was magic and special because it was his.  but the screen wasn't enough.  long before we met again, i wanted to know how tall patrick was, the colour of his eyes, the way he did his hair.  not because i wasn't going to meet him in person, but because i was.  the wonder of seeing him in person was no less because i knew these things in advance - it was more like a feeling of

ahh.  

yes.  

that's you.  

i love you.

it's a delicious, familiar, run-into-your-arms kind of feeling, and that's the reason i want to know every single thing i can about our baby before we meet.  for me, being surprised couldn't compare with that feeling at all. 


or, you know, it might just be shameless curiosity and an unrestrained appetite for instant gratification.  just kidding.  but honestly, i'm pumped to be able to write 'he' or 'she' instead of the gargantuan he-or-she that i have to use now.  did you see how many times i wrote 'the baby' in this blog?  it's not like you don't know what i'm talking about.  but i can't say 'it' - the ungendered pronoun is too cold for my precious bundle of mystery.  but once we know, i can even use his or her name ...

7 comments:

  1. I totally get that. We chose to find out for the same reason and I had several people ask me why I wanted to 'ruin' the surprise. But as you said, knowing it was our Noah growing in there made it was more personal for us. We could talk to him and call him by name instead of saying 'baby' or 'it' everyone time someone referred to him.

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  2. I completely understand! I couldn't WAIT to know who I was singing to, carrying and loving! I wanted to buy special clothes for the hospital, call them by name, tell people about them. it doesn't matter when you find out, it is still a wonderful surprise!
    I hope baby Labelle co operates next time I am dying to know!

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  3. It's funny...for some of my friends...the surprise is such a motivator and gets them through the uncomfortable months and labor. I talk to my baby, name him or her and sing and know them so much before I ever meet him/her. We tried once to not find out and we caved. I am a 'prepare-freak' and would feel so off balance not being prepared. This is such a personal one but if this is what you guys want then find out :)

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  4. I get it. We wanted to know gender too. It helps to prepare and to dream:)

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  5. I totally understand how you are feeling... we tried to find out with BOTH our boys but it was not to be. With Ryan... our one and only ultrasound was at 16 weeks and it was too early to tell. With Daniel the cord was between his legs and again we couldn't tell... so I was destined to wait... but I would have liked to have known early and it wouldn't have changed anything on the day they were born... the surprise of knowing the sex is totally overshadowed by the joy of when they place your sweet baby in your arms! I am a planner and wanted to have the room ready, name picked and like Janice said, sing and talk to baby... such a great time.It is all personal choice and I respect your decision to want to know!
    PS I am excited to hear as well!

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  6. I never found out but not because I wanted a surprise. I was worried I'd be told the wrong sex which sometimes happens and I never wanted to feel disappointment towards the baby.
    -Jess S.

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  7. Unless you tie someone down and force them to find out the gender of THEIR baby, I don't see how you and Pat finding out the sex of your own baby affects anyone else. If they don't want to know the sex of your baby all they have to do is ask you not to tell them.

    Isn't it completely weird how once you're pregnant your body/decisions seem to become community property and are up for discussion by nearly everyone with a differing opinion? I was at Home Depot the other day looking at paint colours for my mother in law when the greeter started lecturing me that it was unsafe to paint while pregnant. I wonder what she would have thought if I was buying glue!?!? LOL

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