this is an entirely girly and hormonal post. feel free to stop reading here :)
i mean, you can tell, when you look at me, that i'm expecting.
i was excited about that - when my belly popped out overnight, i thought it was great. whee! now, not only my friends and family will talk to me about the baby, but strangers will too! fun! i could talk about this kid all day long, and haven't even met him or her yet :)
and then someone asked when i was due and raised her eyebrows and looked at my belly again and sighed you sure have a long way to go. for someone as big as you are was the implied rest of the sentence.
i know i'm probably being pregnant-lady-hormonal, but that snooty little observation got me where it hurts.
i don't want to be shallow, but all of my friend have the cutest little baby-bump pictures. they have tiny arms and legs and the sweetest big round bellies. they look like kids playing dress-up with balloons under their shirts.
and i'm sad because i know i won't look like that. because i don't look like that. i'm already big. i could have been taking 4-month-bump pictures for years. people tell me to take pictures of my baby belly and my mind squirms ugh! why? and now when people happily squeal oooh you're showing, i have to discipline my cringing.
i think pregnancy is beautiful and awesome. and it makes me sad that i'm feeling this way about my own body and my own baby bump. and yes, it even makes me feel the dreaded g-word ...
haven't i wanted this for years? am i not glad that this unexpected miracle and blessing is literally blossoming before my eyes?
yes and yes, of course, a thousand times yes.
but there you have it. i still feel massive and awkward and unhappy about my baby bump ... and doubly unhappy that i'm unhappy about it.
i searched some pregnancy sites to see if anyone else struggles with this - and they do! and i even found a blog post with some sympathetic advice.
so, if any of you are feeling the same way, take a look at this letter and its response. it kind of cheered me up a little bit, and helped with the guilt.